Jejemons

.,.MuzTaH f0Whz u?.,.

I’m starting to believe that the end is near.

First, an earthquake in Haiti. Chile came next. Then Mexico. Then China. Even Metro Manila was rocked by a quake. Then there’s some volcanic eruption in Europe. Then there’s political crisis in Thailand.

And in the midst of all of the uncertainty, a new breed of creatures is starting to take over our crazy, little country—THE JEJEMONS.

A little definition of terms first: according to UrbanDictionary.com, a JEJEMON is “basically anyone with a low tolerance in correct punctuation, syntax and grammar.” Basically, these are people who pepper their text messages with commas, periods, and more commas; who use ‘!’ place of ‘i’ or ’3′ in place of ‘e’; who use sTiCky cAps in their messages; and who use EPIC ‘jejeje’ to laugh through SMS, in the assumption that this is cute. For a better understanding of jeje-speak, check out this suicide note, supposedly written by a jejemon.

Jejemon Suicidal Note

Actually, this subculture has already been around for quite a while now. They have been called through many names before: from jologs to emo to jumping jologs aka JJs. Perhaps due to their sheer number, people decided to formally give them a name, and thus the JEJEMON PHENOMENON began.

To date, there are 278 Facebook pages that express their deep hate for these creatures. I personally hate them too. Not that they are seriously despicable. They are just the kind of creatures we would all love to hate. Why? Let me cite some reasons.

First, JEJEMONS TEND TO COMPLICATE THINGS. I mean, why say ‘.,.fowhz.,.’ when you can say ‘po.’ Those dots, commas, the letters H and Z are COMPLETELY unnecessary. And puhls, these are not cute. Pa-cute, yes. But cute, definitely not. Maybe they were just inspired by the song ‘Complicated’, sung by no less than the jeje-girlzzz style icon, Avril Lavigne.

Second, JEJEMONS DO NOT HAVE FASHION SENSE. They have default outfits: any black shirt (preferrably with skulls or bleeding hearts), faded denim pants (preferrably with slits and trimmed in a baton manner) and high-cut Chucks. Cheap silver bling-blings are also a MUST. A red scarf, similar to the one Hayden Kho wore in the ‘Careless Whisper’ video, is an optional accessory worn around the neck. I mean, c’mon guys. I know black is a classic color, but a little more color is sometimes cool, especially when it is friggin hot like summertime when wearing black will really kill.

Third, JEJEMONS ARE SLOWLY TAKING OVER THE TELEVISION. Jeje-groups perform every single day in Showtime (and its pitiful rival ‘Diz iz it’, which is titled in a very jeje way). Some jejemons were also chosen to live inside the PBB House. WTF!? Are jejemons the most telegenic people now, next to Brapanese dudes? I won’t be surprised if one day, a show like ‘Jejemon’s Got Talent’ will air in one of those networks.

Fourth, JEJEMONS ARE SLOWLY TAKING OVER THE COUNTRY. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. They are slowly overtaking Koreans as the next big subculture in the country. Just attend any free rock concert and you know what I mean. They come in throngs! They even managed to stop a concert during last year’s UP Fair because they destroyed a fence. Plus, they are invading cyberspace too. They have claimed ownership of Fri3ndzter, their official tambayan in the online world. I hope the Facebook management comes up with away to avoid Jejemons from infiltrating the site. My suggestion: make a new user type the word ‘Facebook’ in some box. If that user types ‘.,.fAc3bhOok.,.’, then he or she must be denied an account.

Lastly, JEJEMONS SHOW US OUR COUNTRY’S PROBLEMS. Lack of proper education makes fock up the jejemon’s spelling skills. Jejemons are usually thin and underweight, which highlights our country’s healthcare problems. Jejemons are more often than not poor, which shows the age old problem of poverty. Because of this, I think we should vote for candidates in the May elections with pro-jejemon platforms. And I think there should be a partylist to represent jejemons in Congress in the next partylist elections. The partylist should name itself something like ‘.,.1-j3jeMonZ.,.’ so that it comes first in the ballot, thus, increasing its chances of winning.

I wish jejemons will just go back to their jeje-balls and let the world be. But jejemons have feelings too right? Let’s just hope that the Jeje-population dwindles after some time, lest we should brace ourselves for their CULTURAL JEJE-MONY.

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